One negative about an absentee father

Copy of WordJarWhen I became a “single-mother” I knew that at some point I would have to explain the situation and aspects related to it.  I knew that questions would come from strangers, family/friends, and definitely my children.

Naturally questions like…..

  • Why are you single?
  • How did you become a single mother? (Are you divorced)
  • Mom, was my dad at the hospital?
  • Mom, why is my last name different from my dad’s?

But there has always been one question that I dreaded and hoped would never have to answer…

Mom, does My Dad Love Me?

Those were the words my oldest recently randomly asked while we were cleaning up the girls’ room.  I can honestly say that I was floored — taken by surprise actually.. Before I could even get words out of my mouth she instantly provided her own answer.  Because I promised my child I would not tell her business I will not go into detail about the conversation that transpired.

If you have been reading my Single Mother Journey posts you know how I had signs of the “absentee father” but I definitely did not expect his actions.  Without ruining it for my future posts … know that my oldest has not really spent time with her dad and he goes months without making any contact.  Even though I was floored I also knew the question was bound to happen based on his recent MIA tendencies…

I literally wanted to scream after our conversation… Not because my daughter asked me a question.. but because I had to defend him and ensure that she realizes her worth….especially right now with her being a tween and being emotional.  I wanted to scream because I was not better prepared to handle it… because my daughters mean the world to me and I try my best to shield them from pain and here my baby is in pain.

As a single-mother there are positives and negatives of having an absentee father… and my daughter’s question exposes one of the negatives.  The mothers have to deal with our child’s questions and explain the situation… AND at times modify the truth so that you do not crush your child’s heart nor shatter whatever remaining dreams they have about their dad being in their lives.

The sad part of this event is that it won’t be the last.  I know there will always be moments that my daughter will question her father’s love…but I do know that next time I will be ready and hopefully our conversation won’t be as difficult.


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